LSA News

No. 87, February 2008

I Love a SLUG
(continued)

The parade slug

In 1983, the year after the inauguration of the Hult Center had brought thousands downtown to party in the streets, city officials decided to launch an annual celebration of our community. Then-City Councilor Cynthia Wooten and cohorts wanted to call it the Eugene Slugfest, but more conventional minds prevailed, and it was instead christened as the Eugene Celebration. Determined that we not take ourselves too seriously, Wooten and others created a giant slug (modeled on the multi-person dragons seen at Chinese New Year celebrations) to march in the first Eugene Celebration parade. That slug (or possibly a successor) still marches in the parade, typically followed by Congressman Peter DeFazio bearing a shovel. Perhaps to underline the irreverence of that original parade entry, it was accompanied by the first S.L.U.G. Queen—a man: Bruce Gordon.

The early pageants were backyard, in-crowd affairs, with each Queen being casually chosen by those in attendance. In 1984, Wooten actually sought out nominations, and the winner, Queen Melva (Boles) was determined by a homemade applause meter. The following year, competition was opened to the general public. The mold had been set: "tastefully tacky, but not gross or disgusting."

l-r Queen Scarlett O'Slimera (2004), Queen Frank SlugSnotra (2005), Queen Inspira Gastropdium (2003), and Scarlett's attendant, Indy at the 2005 pagent

These days, contestants submit an application to Perpetual First Lady-In-Waiting Kim Still, the angel who watches over the stages at the Saturday and Holiday Markets. New Queens are officially selected on the basis of costume, talent and their answers to randomly chosen silly (or not so silly) questions. The judges are, for the most part Old S.L.U.G. Queens (who are quick to tell you there are no "former" Queens: "Once a Queen, always a Queen!") augmented by local celebrities, such as radio or television personalities, and politicians. The politicians are usually circumspect about not accepting the bribes.

Ah, yes, the bribes; by now they are a well-established and much-encouraged tradition. Chocolate often figures prominently. However, it would be a mistake to think that the bribes merely reflect queenly acquisitiveness. Rather, they function something like a sorority rush. Beyond the written applications and pageant night prancing, the bribes give the Old Queens a chance to get to know the contestants and decide if this is someone they'd want to hang out with. Wit and creativity are more important than the dollar value of the offerings. Bribe early and often! One young woman, Mally, has been bribing S.L.U.G. queens since she was 12 years old, although she won't be eligible to compete until she turns 18. The only S.L.U.G. Queen in recent memory who won without bribing is 2001's Queen Darcy (Du Ruz.) A talented operatic singer and voice teacher, she also had the advantage of having her every movement heralded by a trumpet fanfare supplied by her husband, Eugene Symphony trumpeter Dave Bender, and two of his students, as well as being flanked by the other members of her entourage.

Queen Inspira singing These Boots Are Made for Walking during the accordionoke segment of Polka Bowling Night, 2004

The entourage is another important element. Although it is not required, it allows the contestants to amplify their grandeur with musicians, dancers, singers, bodyguards, train and bribe bearers, ladies-in-waiting, consorts, even pets. Should they win the crown, the contestant has a readymade court. This then was my entry to the proximity of queenliness.

Queen Accordionna

On that summer day in 1998, Lorelei had already toyed with the idea of running for Queen. During the summer of 2000, an opportunity presented itself that was too good to pass up: Accordions Anonymous got the gig to provide music for that year's pageant and coronation. It was a sneaky way to provide our favorite contestant with extra performance time in front of the judges, and the band went to work creating bribes, regalia and performance scenarios. The rest, as they say, is herstory. The co-founding mother of Accordions Anonymous, former U of O employee Shelley Winship, earned herself the title of Grand Brassiere for her efforts behind the scenes. At this point, let me direct you to the S.L.U.G. webpage designed by Queen Accordionna, which is who Lorelei became: the self-proclaimed 1st S.L.U.G. Queen of the new millennium, the Supreme Sovereign of Squeeze, etc.

Of particular interest on that page is the first link: Silver Jubilee, which takes you to a PDF file of the poster for this event, which features portraits of the 24 S.L.U.G. Queens preceding 2007's winner, Glorious Gastropause (a.k.a. Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant). If you've lived in Eugene for awhile, chances are you know the alter egos of some of these Queens. I sang shape note music for years with retired mailman Dave Tobin before I found out he was 1987's Queen. Queen Margaret works at Womenspace. Queen Radia owned the Red Barn grocery. Queen Carmen Slugana was a graduate student at the U of O when she won. Queen Kathy (Gillespie) was an elementary school librarian, who can be seen in David Joyce's photo mural of flying folk that is upstairs at the Eugene airport. Five of the Queens have been men, including the quadriplegic artist, Queen Peterella. The witty Queen Bananita is an instructor at LCC (sans her faux-Russian accent) and can occasionally be heard (with said accent at full force) on KLCC. Before becoming S.L.U.G. Queen, 2007's Queen Glo was also a radio personality as well as a comedian. Each Queen has their own story, which due to my sloth and ignorance (not to mention fear of queenly wrath), is beyond my power to narrate.

2006 victory dinner at Savoy Truffle Front row, from left to right: Queens Frank, Scarlett, Stella, Marigold, Bananita & her royal consort Second row: Queens Accordionna, Slugretha, Inspira and Radia joined by restaurant staff

Is there anything they all have in common? A will to wackiness, and a will to power (such as it is). KLCC DJ and 2007 pageant judge Pete Lavelle described one Queen (though I think this applies to more than one) as "a legend in her own mind." Some won the throne on their first attempt, but others have competed as many as three times before achieving victory. Among them was the late Queen Bagonda, arguably the most glamorous of all, who wowed the judges with his duct tape dress. One contestant, Slugasmo, competed 3 times in a hot, bulky slugsuit that required internal ice packs to keep him from wilting in the late summer heat. He was 1st runner-up twice, but never won himself, although he did win the heart of Queen Margaret and became her royal consort.

Slugretha as Okra Sinfree in a skit with the Radar Angels at the Jello Art show at the Maud Kerns Center in 2007

Yes, Dear Reader, I too became a royal consort in 2006, but before I relate that tale, I'd first like to tell you about a special relationship I had with another contestant. In the summer of 2001, Fran Ross and I went camping at Clark Creek campground along Fall Creek. There on a lichen-covered rock in the middle of Clark Creek, I found a magnificent slug at least four inches long, (longer, certainly, when s/he—slugs are hermaphrodites —is moving). From her vantage upon the footbridge above me, Fran asked me to capture the slug, which I did. Later, when she decided to enter Clark (the name I chose) as a candidate for S.L.U.G. Queen, she made an appeal to my presumed paternal feelings for the gastropod, but the truth is, I felt more like Dr. Frankenstein, or better yet, like the soulless entrepreneur who brought King Kong to Manhattan. Still, I think his/her candidacy raised an interesting philosophical question about species discrimination, and I'm told Bagonda argued forcefully to award the crown to Clark, but in the end it went to the very deserving and capable Darcy, thus sparing the shy slug the withering glare of celebrity's slimelight. Clark was returned to his creek, and Darcy answered the demands of queendom.

S.L.U.G. Jackson with a young fan

What demands? At minimum, the new Queen is called upon to preside over the Eugene Celebration, and has a parade entry at said event. Royal visits are made to the Mayor's Art Show and the Salon des Refusés. In recent years, they have also held a ball. Beyond that, it is up to each Queen to do as much or as little as they desire in the way of community service. Given that they are typically strong, vital personalities, these services often extend beyond the year of their reign, if not preceding it. They have lent their glamour to various charities and programs, including Food for Lane County, the HIV Alliance, the Red Cross, animal shelters and outreach in our schools, to mention just a few.

Queen Accordionna, a dedicated bicycle commuter, wanted to have her parade entry eschew motorized vehicles. She even proposed putting us all in "borrowed" shopping carts! Fortunately the Grand Brassiere, a professional schmoozer in real life, connected with Corvallis resident Dean Codo (a.k.a. Admiral Phunn), the commander and co-creator of the Maltese Fulcrum, which is the world's largest human-powered all-terrain vehicle.

Slugretha with Miss Oregon

The Fulcrum, a veteran of the Kinetic Sculpture Races that are part of Corvallis's da Vinci Days, is powered by up to eight human "pistons" seated under a platform large enough to hold eight more humans playing accordions or other instruments. More than one S.L.U.G. Queen has ridden both above and below. Accordions Anonymous and Queen Accordionna in particular have developed a special relationship with the Fulcrum and the Kinetic Sculpture Race, but that is a whole other story. Suffice it to say, that when in August of 2003 QA wanted to serenade morning commuters at the DeFazio Bike Bridge as part of People-Powered Fridays, she chose to do so from the mobile stage provided by the Maltese Fulcrum. I live quite close by, and rendezvoused with the sculpture in the EWEB parking lot, where I met for the first time an attractive widow, TK McDonald, whom Lorelei had recruited to piston. After the Fulcrum had made its way up to the bridge, TK climbed up to join the music crew, and we sang together for the first time.

Reader, we fell in love. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but it ensued with a rapidity that quite belied our sluglike natures. And that's a whole OTHER other story.

Slugretha's Slimettes ready to back up their queen in a performance at the Very Little Theater. Former UO Library employee (and Tomatriarch in Perpetuity) Jean Murphy is the second Slimette from the right.

Lorelei had already been trying to convince TK to run for S.L.U.G. Queen, and in 2006 her persuasion paid off. Of course I was enlisted to the cause, and helped assemble the Slimettes, the musicians and singers that would support her performance and provide additional pageantry. For the talent portion of the competition, she sang "Chain of Slime", a parody of Aretha's "Chain of Fools". TK's chosen S.L.U.G. name, Slugretha Latifah Uleafa Gastropodia Jackson, obviously pays homage to at least 2 powerful black female performers, and was inspired by a character Debra Wilson played on MADtv.

We also borrowed eye-catching apparel from my friend Carol Leigh (a.k.a. Scarlot Harlot), a performance artist, writer, videographer & activist for prostitutes' rights. (Check out Ms. Leigh's titles in our catalog!)

The Queen with her Slugettes

TK got her degree from the Theater Department here at the U of O and had plenty of performance experience at various venues and production companies around town, but despite appearances, it's not ALL about the show. It's also about who you know, and in QA we already had a superb ally at court. After 5 years of Lorelei's ascendancy, we had also become friendly with most of the active Queens, whom we lobbied assiduously. It's never a complete shoo-in, there's always the luck of the draw, but luck was on our side, and the judges' deliberation was the briefest recalled by those who know. For her part, TK was awed by the talent of her 1st runner-up, a puppet named Monster Tzu.

In preparation for the parade, TK's former coworker at Public Safety, Dana Gorman, arranged for two biodiesel trucks from Back to the Roots Landscaping, driven by their owners, Bruce and Kellie Kreitzberg, to transport the human cargo along the parade route. Onboard for the ride were Slimettes, attendants, Old Queens, runners-up, and several little slugettes (the Kreitzbergs' daughter Sophie, who turned 9 on parade day, and her friends.)

Slugretha, Dana Gorman and her daughter pose with September 2006 issue of the Eugene Weekly

But not me. Those little trucks were full! I marched in between them with my trombone, accompanied by John Kaiser (a philosophy grad student) on drum. Monster Tzu was also walking, and Dana zoomed around on roller blades.

Just after her coronation, we had been disappointed by the lack of media coverage—no pictures in the press! However, the Eugene Weekly came through in their issue in the boxes for the Celebration: the cover featured Slugretha doing a trick with her tongue. That proved to be a real ice-breaker; both kids and adults approached her: "Do that thing with your tongue!" Or else they would salute her with their versions of her lingual contortion.

Before I go any further, I should direct you to Slugretha's page on the Philosophy Department's website. Plenty more pictures there!

Queen Slugretha bestows blessings on kindergarteners at Cesar Chavez Elementary School

A legend in her own mind perhaps, but it might be hard not to let it go to your head when all and sundry are greeting you with salaams, begging for a blessing, or asking you to pose for a picture. Slugretha and other Queens have commented on how affirming it is to receive this kind of adulation. In particular, the admiration by children was even sweeter, retaining more of a sense of wonder and virtually untouched by irony.

This made being invited into schools especially enchanting. I accompanied my Queen to a Kindergarten class at Cesar Chavez Elementary, where the kids had been studying slugs, not just drawing them, but actually keeping some in a classroom terrarium. They did a slug dance for her in which they writhed on the floor, and they asked lots of questions, like "Where did you get your hat?" (Meaning, of course, her crown.)

Singing the Star Spangled Banner at the Heart Walk with Eugene weatherman Tim Chuey

Another perk for Slugretha, who loves to sing, was being presented with ample opportunities to raise her voice in support of various causes dear to her heart, such as CALC, Peaceworks and the Heartwalk.

They say all good things must come to an end, and the scepter does indeed change hands at the end of every summer, but these rebellious Queens never relinquish their crowns, nor do they easily submit to any rule but their own. (One of my favorite pageant memories occurred when Scarlett O'Slimera, having exceeded the time allotment for the talent portion of her competition, was bodily carried off by Queen Bananita, while Scarlett was screaming "There are no rules!")

S.L.U.G. Queens performing at the Eugene Public Library during the 2007 Eugene Celebration

The last official duty of a S.L.U.G. Queen's reigning year is to preside over the pageant and coronation of her (or his) successor. 2007's event had the added luster of being the Silver Jubilee of the Queens, and to capitalize on this, they mounted an extensive display at the Eugene Public Library in time for the Eugene Celebration, which they kicked off with a performance in the rotunda there. They had already extended their patronage to the new library by raising $5000 for it, which earned them their own Throne Room (a.k.a. bathroom), dedicated with a Royal Flush on April Fools' Day, 2003. And Accordionna has her name on a shelf in the music books section.

Now, who wants to be Queen?

S.L.U.G. Queens' throne room at the Eugene Public Library

Bibliography:
Karen McGowan's article "In the slimelight", from the Eugene Register-Guard, Sunday, August 11, 2002, "Oregon Life" section.

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